Thursday, June 23, 2011

Longing

Yes- I, like you am tired of looking at this blog and seeing the word impossible at the very top.


I am ready for God to do the impossible so I can have some big news to share. It's coming soon- I just know it. He is in control. 


I know, there are so many other things I could blog about other than the adoption: 
Random events, Elliana updates, summer fun, some of the crazy things God is teaching me and doing in my heart, our last day in Ethiopia (which has been too hard to think about), and of course pictures to document it all.


Summer has officially begun and we are enjoying the time just being together. We have made our lists and have our calendar filled with fun family activities that we all enjoy doing. It really has been great and the kids are having a blast. 


But there is always a part of me that is just never fully here. It's still in Africa. It's the part of me that was left behind with two beautiful children whom I am begging God to let be a part of our family. Yes, of course we love our kids here and are enjoying the summer with them- but there is still a longing that just does not go away. It is a mama's heart that knows when something's not right. And the something that's not right is that we are separated from our children. For how long is only something God knows. And until the day when we are finally together again, I know that the longing and missing them will not go away. Because it is a gift from the Lord. It is a gift that He is giving us during this long, hard journey. Each day that goes by without them, each time that we go somewhere and feel that something or someone(s) is missing, each day that we cry out to the Lord in our sadness, makes for the reunion all that much more sweet. 


We hear that they are asking about us every day. Asking what the updates are. Asking when it is time and asking WHEN their mom and dad are coming back for them. You see, this time the longing is not just us. This time there are a 10 and 12 year old sister and brother who are longing for a family. And not just any family. WE are their family and they are longing for US. We pray that they would not give up hope, but like us they would cry out to the Lord in their longing and that He would fulfill their desire for a family in His perfect timing.

Even Elliana has been so sweet. She talks about "N" and "Sissy" ALL the time. She carries their picture around and asks "Sissy bye bye?" several times a day. The other day I was talking on the phone and I mentioned N and the next thing I knew Elliana was trying to grab the phone from me- asking if she could talk to him on the phone. She thought I was actually talking to our N right then and she was ready to talk with her brother! She wants to know what's taking them so long! :) 

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12


Today we are heading to the beach for a little weekend get-away. I am excited for a chance to have a few days to get away from the heat, the computer, and just all the stuff that needs to be done. We plan to chill by the water, take bike rides on the beautiful trails, walk along the beach, and sit around just doing nothing. We will go from 104 degree weather in Fresno to 68 degrees in Pismo- perfect. Almost. :)
I know we will enjoy being together as a family, but of course I also know that there will still be that part of me that longs for the day when we will have all 6 of our children playing together in the sand and water. Or even just the day when they will all be together.




Someday. 

2 comments:

The Princess and the Tot said...

Loving you and praying daily for all of you.

Michele said...

Ugh...Candice, my heart aches with yours. Sometimes I wish I just had the ability to turn my brain off for a little while, and have a break from this adoption process. I, like you, am trying my best to enjoy the summer with the children I have right here, but there is always the sense that our family is not quite whole. I know God's timing is perfect, and I accept that, but it doesn't stop the longing. You have my prayers, friend.

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