She's almost 11 months old

And oh how I long to hold her.


It has been 4 months and 1 week since first seeing our Elliana Sa-Rang.
4 months and 1 week since God revealed this little sister whom He had chosen for our family.

Next week our baby girl will be 11 months old. The most recent pictures we have of her are now 3 months old and I am getting anxious to see what she looks like now! I'm sure she has changed a lot in 3 months and I hope we will get some updated pictures soon.

Speaking of updates, we got an update from Korea about how Elliana is doing in her foster home and more about the foster family that she is with now. It was written up by her social worker after he visited their home in May. She is still very delayed for her age and we now have some concerns about some more things, but I am thankful that it seems as if the Lord is preparing us during this seemingly long wait for what may be to come. I refuse to live in fear over what could be, but admit that it has been a little scary at times. We will continue to trust Him with the future.

According to the report, here are a few fun tidbits about our girl:

*Turns over well and pushes on her tummy.

*Spins around and pushes up and down.

*Gathers both hands and regards them.

* Looks up when the foster mother calls her name.

*Babbles well and laughs loudly and giggles when she feels good. (I loved reading this- as I was worried she didn't smile or laugh!)

*Likes to take baths. (just like her brothers!)

*Is shy with strangers and frets when they try to play with her. (uh oh.)

*Takes 200cc of milk based formula every 4 hours and finishes up the bottle at a time. Puts hands on the bottle while feeding and feeds slowly while playing with the bottle.

*Takes some Gerber baby food, fruit, yogurt, cookies, bread, gruel and rice for weaning food. (she seems like a good eater!)

*Sleeps from 2:00am until 4:00am and takes 3 naps a day for an hour each. (Uh, we are going to HAVE to work on the sleeping habits. That sounds a little crazy!)

*Enjoys sleeps in a quiet environment with a dim light turned on. Moves much in her sleeps looking for cooler place.

*Sleeps on the floor with the foster mother.



And this was in the conclusion of the report. It made me cry with joy to hear how she is so loved and well taken care of. It is going to be hard for them to let her go when the time comes and hard for us to take her away and watch her grieve as well...

"Sa-ra is a bright little girl who is doing comfortably at the foster home. She is a cute and lovely little girl with fine skin and round face. She babbles loudly and likes when she is played by the foster mother. She likes when the foster mother holds her or tries to kiss on cheek. She welcomes family members with screaming when they return home from outside. The foster families become real happy when they watch such a lovely little child. She seems somewhat slow in overall development but is doing comfortably at this foster home. We hope that she will join her adoptive parents soon and continue to grow up as a healthy and happy little girl. "

I pray that she will join our family soon as we miss her so very much. But oh how we praise God for such a wonderful foster home for her to grow up in while we are waiting!
We know without a doubt that this precious girl was meant to be a part of our family and we cling to the hope that God hears and answers our prayers and He will use each part of this journey for His glory.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is FAITHFUL."
Hebrews 10:23

Fun on the Fourth...

Austin's first time actually being allowed to light the fireworks... scary!


The grand finale!


More on Pictures for a Purpose.

Baby (boy) on the way

I love this picture of my friend and her daughter that I took the other day at her shower. Leah is so excited to be a big sister and this captures a tiny bit of her wonder and excitement about her new brother on the way.




See more at Pictures for a Purpose.

He's Home!

Welcome to America, Little Ji!!!


After a very difficult journey, this precious boy is finally home with his family. We are praising the Lord for all He has done in this sweet family's life. They have truly been an example to us. Today was a difficult day for them I know, as they went to the memorial service for Bryan's mother after just returning home last night. Truly they are depending on the Lord for strength moment by moment.


He LOVED the balloons we brought. I'm pretty sure it was his first experience with them- he was mesmorized!








Goofing around with one of his new sisters


Mama introduces him to some of the family


Getting to know some new friends


He was fascinated with ice and kept taking some out of Bethany's cup to put into his!



Brr, cold hands!


This little guy is so sweet and SO active! Don't let the fact that he only has one working leg fool you... He is downright FAST! I chased him trying to get a picture as he hopped around the house and he did not sit still for more than a second! Which explains why I got a lot of blurry pictures! :-) He is quite the social one, and I can't wait to see him again!


Welcome Home Team Wong! We missed you and are still praying for you...


P.S. In case you missed the other post, you can read about their journey to Little Braxton Ji HERE.

Adoption Update: Not even sure what to title this one...

I debated about whether to write this because in light of what our friends are going through right now, it is trivial. Their story really does put everything into perspective. But I do know that our Lord does care about the small things as well as the big. And right now my heart is aching for a baby girl that once again is just beyond our reach...

This week has certainly not been without trials. It started off very promising and I was thrilled to be doing the mission project for VBS and all of the unexpected blessings that came with that. I jumped right in and was suprisingly distracted from adoption talk or thoughts. (I'll share more about the mission project later-as it deserves its own post! It really was amazing!)

If you remember from my post exactly 3 weeks ago, we were so upset to hear that Elliana was not going to have her visa physical for another 2 weeks from then. I was discouraged no doubt, but then began to keep myself busy with projects, photos, vbs planning, a trip to the beach, and special prayer walks with my dear friend who had also been waiting a very long time for travel approval to bring home their son.

The 3 weeks really did fly by. Of course I thought about her and we prayed for her everyday. But we knew nothing was going to happen for at least 4 weeks and so we just kept on living life.
We were not trying to get our hopes too high, but we started to wonder if we might be close to getting our travel call next week or the week after. That would be 2-3 weeks from Visa Physical and a little over 4 months from our referral. It definitely seemed possible. After all, MOST families from our agency travel between 3 and 4 months from referral. So we were only going to be a little behind that, right?


OR SO WE THOUGHT...

Well, the news this week was again a huge blow to us and we are still not sure how to process it.

We found out that Elliana has not only NOT had her physical (which again was supposedly "scheduled" last week) but that there isn't even one scheduled.

They are waiting for an eye-exam which is supposed to happen on Monday.
Let me explain why this is so so frustrating:

She has been seen by a doctor in Seoul every month for the 7 months that she has been there. EVERY month there has been a note on the medical report that says she has "crossed-eyes." And EVERY month there is a note that says "needs eye-exam."
Well, when we got the check-up report in mid-May and we saw that still noted on there, we called our agency and asked if they could relay the message that we DID NOT want her to have that eye-exam anymore because it could possibly delay her being ready to travel. After all, we are prepared to see a pediatric opthamologist as soon as she is home and have her fully checked out there. We are prepared to hear that she may need surgery or glasses as well.

Well, apparently the message never got relayed and now she will be having the appointment and obviously it is delaying travel. (insert rolling eyes here)

After the report comes back then they will process all her papers together, then will schedule visa physical, then more processing, then we know now FOR SURE that we will need a class b waiver signed and notarized, then more processing, then they issue the visa, then Travel Call, THEN WE GO. Each of these things cannot happen before the next and they do not go in order of who is waiting the longest. So, if the physical appointments at the visa office are filled up for one month, she waits until the next available appointment, even if it is a month or more away.

We never dreamed that the cute little 6 1/2 month old baby we first saw at referral, would be twice that age when she came home. At this point there is no use even trying to guess when it will be now. After talking to our agency, we may be getting our hopes up to even see her by her 1st Birthday on August 16th. (Just writing this makes me cry) And September just seems so far away... :-(

Remember that video I made when we had been waiting 3 months? Well, it is more true today and in another few months even more! While I'm waiting I will serve Him and trust Him.

I will confess too, that it has been hard for me to watch other families who go through the entire process relatively smoothly and their babies are home when expected. Families that had referral a month or more after us are traveling and I am having to constantly give my bitterness over to the Lord.

I really do trust that He has a plan and purpose for us during this wait. It can be so exhausting sometimes though.

Please pray for our family. I am trying to let go of the fears that I have right now, especially the ones about Elliana's eyes. I am fearful that they have gotten much worse and that she will not be able to look us in the eyes when we finally do have her.

Our family is beginning to wonder if this is ever going to happen. It is like all of our lives have been put on hold. We have had many things planned for this summer that we hoped she would be here for, including our annual family trip to the beach with extended family in August. Looks like that's not happening. The boys have started to become cynical and bitter as well. We have been praying that all of this would bring us closer to eachother as a family and closer to the Lord as well.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Ephesians 3:20-21

Prayers for our dear friends

I have been m.i.a. this entire week due to VBS, but I just wanted those of you reading this who have not heard to PRAY.

Pray for our dear friends who are in Ch*na right now adopting their little boy. They have had unspeakable tragedy and we must go to the Father on their behalf.

You can read the story for yourself HERE

Please lift them and their children up today.

One word: VBS

Is that even a word? It is when your entire day/week revolves around it! In a good way!!!

Anyway, we came home from the beach and jumped right into Vacation Bible School this week! I was reminded of THIS POST (click to read) again today. I wrote it exactly a year ago today. And while I don't have time to write anything today, I will say that God is at work in mighty ways and it has been even more of a blessing this year than last year if that is even possible! I have a lot to write about, but I'll only post a few pictures for now. Here is a sneak peek and there's more to come soon. Have a great week and happy summer to you!

We love Daddy!

Happy Father's Day to my amazing husband!

(we snuck this picture in when he was back at the cabin!)


We love you so much and thank the Lord for you in our lives!

Guess where we are?

Yep, we're at the beach!!!








More pics to come!!!

Random pictures and stuff

I realized that I haven't been posting too many pictures lately on this blog (or any blog for that matter) and I was trying to figure out why.

First, I haven't been taking very many pictures at all. Even with my amazing new camera, you'd think I'd be out everyday with it huh? Well, I think I go in spurts and since the boys are pretty sick of playing "mamarazzi" (me chasing them down with the camera) and I haven't had any appointments, the camera has just been sitting around. Sad I know.

Second, I really need some help in the photo-storage/organization/uploading/blogging department. Seriously. It is ridiculous how many steps it takes for me just to get a few pictures loaded to the blog. Plus, my system for storing them on the computer does not seem very efficient. Start to finish this is what it takes. I take the pictures with my camera (duh), I plug in my card to the computer, put them into a folder in Elements (which I never use), open Lightroom and upload them there, process the good ones and flag them, export the flagged ones to another folder (after making them smaller files), upload those to Flikr or photobucket, and then finally copy the code from the Flikr photos to paste in the blog post. Like I said- RIDICULOUS! I know I could post directly from Picasa and I do that when I want to be quick, but it only allows 4 photos and they are too small in my opinion.

Anyway, enough about that. My point is that I have been a bad picture poster lately and am looking for short-cuts to make things easier- especially since I want to blog while we're in Korea.
Any suggestions would be welcome. :-)

So, since I made such a big deal about pictures, I can't write this post without any can I?!

Yesterday, we went out to Randy's parents who live in the country. I decided to bring my camera and practice some of the things I have been trying to learn about photography.
I was very proud of myself that every photo taken was in manual mode! (most were of flowers, but hey it's a start!) I am determined to get better before Elliana comes home, so I can get good shots of her first days with us. A few of them I post-processed in Lightroom with some pre-sets from Rebecca. Go to her site- her images are just gorgeous and she does some amazing things with photoshop and lightroom. There are so many wonderful photographers that inspire me, but it is the ones like her and Jessica who inspire me the most because they are just regular moms who have a passion for capturing beauty around them, especially their children, and they do an AMAZING job of it!

Ok, on to the pictures.

I love this one of Jensen. I did not crop it at all- he just likes to get close! I used Rebecca's cream with chocolate preset.


My niece Makenna being silly


With the Vintage Wash pre-set:




My nephew Noah. I call this one "Gas me Up." (you can barely see the gas pump in the backround)



This is our dog Biscuit. She is a hunter by nature and a bit crazy. In this picture, she is standing on her hind legs trying to reach up and look into a bird's nest. It is straight out of the camera.

Then the kids decided to put her in the little car for a ride. This is the faded olive preset.


I call this one "The Partridge Family"


It was a gorgeous day yesterday.



Grandma had made a delicious lemon cake for dessert



And then the sun began to set in the distance


I thought this was a cool shot of the RR sign.
Believe it or not this is SOOC:


And I thought it looked neat with a little post-processing as well. This was Rebecca's dusk and then Faded Olive.



More to come later! Have a wonderful Lord's day!

THANK YOU

To everyone who sent messages, comments, and emails after my last post: THANK YOU.

God has used each and every one of you to bless us in an amazing way. I could literally feel the prayers of so many who had gone to the Lord on our and Elliana's behalf last weekend.

Last Friday when I posted the update, my emotions were still raw. I was still feeling the pain and disappointment of the news we had received and wanted to be able to share with our friends and family right away. It was a hard day. And I chose to be honest about how hard it was.

But since Saturday morning, I have felt a strange sense of peace about it all. A quiet confidence that knows and trusts that God is in control of all things... including this situation.
That's not to say I am not still saddened by the reality that we may not see our baby until she's one year old, but I know there must be a bigger purpose in it than what I can see and what makes sense to me. And I am realizing that I'll never figure out why things happen the way they do.

So, I am making the choice to respect the mystery of God's providence.

I have made a new "to-do" list and Randy and I have been making plans. I am no longer going to live by the "maybe she'll be home by such and such" motto, but rather the "Choose this day whom you will serve" motto! And I pray we will live each day to the fullest and glorify our God in doing so.

Thank you so much again. You have ministered to my heart and soul this week and I am praising the Lord for you!

Adoption Update: Not the news I wanted to hear

For the past 2 weeks or so, we have been anticipating "the call" that brings us the news that our baby is ready to travel. Both Randy and I were so sure we would be on our way to Korea this weekend. In fact we have 3 suitcases sitting on our bedroom floor half-way packed. I have washed all the bottles and made sure the diaper bag has everything we could possibly need for when we bring Elliana home. I even know what the weather forecast is and how much plane tickets cost for the next week and a half. Just about everything on our "to-do" list has been DONE.

But sadly it is not meant to be. Yesterday I called our agency to see if there was any news, since we were expecting to hear something soon. They emailed the agency in Korea to make sure things were moving along as they should be.

Well, this morning I had an email and it was not the news I wanted to hear.

Elliana will not even have her visa physical for 2 more weeks. Which means, as far as timeframes go, we are looking at traveling mid-July at the VERY earliest and if she needs that class b waiver (see earlier post) it won't even be until end of July or sometime in August. Hopefully before her first birthday on the 16th.
This is beyond frustrating considering they can have that physical at any point from our acceptance papers going to Korea- which was 3 MONTHS ago. :-(

This has definitely been the hardest point of this adoption journey thus far. I had myself a good long cry about it and have been struggling just to get through the day. I never even imagined that I would feel this way about a child I have never even met. But this is OUR BABY. Our little Elliana who is growing up and all we can do is read about it in the latest medical update we receive. Our baby who I just knew was going to be home with her forever family by the time she was 10 months old. I know it sounds crazy, but she is already a part of me and to find out that we are still another month or two away from holding her was like a punch in the stomach. It was like she was so close and now it feels like she will never be home. I have been so so sad.

I can't even count how many times in the past few weeks I have been asked when Elliana is coming home. And I know it is because everyone is anxious to meet her as well. How ridiculous it seems now, when I think of how many people I have told "oh it could be any day in the next few weeks." How last Sunday at church I really thought it would be our last time without our girl. And honestly it should have been. But I will quit my whining now. The good thing is that atleast we won't be expecting to get the call anyday for the next month or two and be disappointed. At least we know to not expect anything for awhile.
I guess I will make a new "to-do" list.

But one more thing. Please don't respond and tell me that in the grand scheme of things a few months is not going to make a difference, because I already know that and yet it is still painful. I also do not need to hear for the thousandth time how this part of the adoption is like going into labor and giving birth, because actually I have been there and it is not like that. When you are pregnant, even though you don't know the exact day you will go into labor, you do know that your Dr will never let you go more than 2 weeks over your due-date. (most of the time it's only 1 week.) You also can be assured that no matter how long it took for that baby to come, he/she will always come out brand new- not even a day old. Our baby is getting older each day and we are missing it all. And even though I know that she will come home eventually- the unknown of when that will be is almost unbearable at times. For those who have not been through the adoption journey, it is difficult to understand.

I have chosen to be transparent as I write this blog and I know that most people would maybe not be as open with the world. But I want others who read this to know that even though I am struggling and feeling so very discouraged right now, I still trust in the One who is faithful and unchanging. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is sovereign and I know that He will use even this to work together for His good purpose, even though I can't see or understand what that purpose would be.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may become mature and complete, not lacking in anything." James 1:2-4