I debated about whether to write this because in light of what our friends are going through right now, it is trivial. Their story really does put everything into perspective. But I do know that our Lord does care about the small things as well as the big. And right now my heart is aching for a baby girl that once again is just beyond our reach...
This week has certainly not been without trials. It started off very promising and I was thrilled to be doing the mission project for VBS and all of the unexpected blessings that came with that. I jumped right in and was suprisingly distracted from adoption talk or thoughts. (I'll share more about the mission project later-as it deserves its own post! It really was amazing!)
If you remember from my post exactly 3 weeks ago, we were so upset to hear that Elliana was not going to have her visa physical for another 2 weeks from then. I was discouraged no doubt, but then began to keep myself busy with projects, photos, vbs planning, a trip to the beach, and special prayer walks with my dear friend who had also been waiting a very long time for travel approval to bring home their son.
The 3 weeks really did fly by. Of course I thought about her and we prayed for her everyday. But we knew nothing was going to happen for at least 4 weeks and so we just kept on living life.
We were not trying to get our hopes too high, but we started to wonder if we might be close to getting our travel call next week or the week after. That would be 2-3 weeks from Visa Physical and a little over 4 months from our referral. It definitely seemed possible. After all, MOST families from our agency travel between 3 and 4 months from referral. So we were only going to be a little behind that, right?
OR SO WE THOUGHT...
Well, the news this week was again a huge blow to us and we are still not sure how to process it.
We found out that Elliana has not only NOT had her physical (which again was supposedly "scheduled" last week) but that there isn't even one scheduled.
They are waiting for an eye-exam which is supposed to happen on Monday.
Let me explain why this is so so frustrating:
She has been seen by a doctor in Seoul every month for the 7 months that she has been there. EVERY month there has been a note on the medical report that says she has "crossed-eyes." And EVERY month there is a note that says "needs eye-exam."
Well, when we got the check-up report in mid-May and we saw that still noted on there, we called our agency and asked if they could relay the message that we DID NOT want her to have that eye-exam anymore because it could possibly delay her being ready to travel. After all, we are prepared to see a pediatric opthamologist as soon as she is home and have her fully checked out there. We are prepared to hear that she may need surgery or glasses as well.
Well, apparently the message never got relayed and now she will be having the appointment and obviously it is delaying travel. (insert rolling eyes here)
After the report comes back then they will process all her papers together, then will schedule visa physical, then more processing, then we know now FOR SURE that we will need a class b waiver signed and notarized, then more processing, then they issue the visa, then Travel Call, THEN WE GO. Each of these things cannot happen before the next and they do not go in order of who is waiting the longest. So, if the physical appointments at the visa office are filled up for one month, she waits until the next available appointment, even if it is a month or more away.
We never dreamed that the cute little 6 1/2 month old baby we first saw at referral, would be twice that age when she came home. At this point there is no use even trying to guess when it will be now. After talking to our agency, we may be getting our hopes up to even see her by her 1st Birthday on August 16th. (Just writing this makes me cry) And September just seems so far away... :-(
Remember that video I made when we had been waiting 3 months? Well, it is more true today and in another few months even more! While I'm waiting I will serve Him and trust Him.
I will confess too, that it has been hard for me to watch other families who go through the entire process relatively smoothly and their babies are home when expected. Families that had referral a month or more after us are traveling and I am having to constantly give my bitterness over to the Lord.
I really do trust that He has a plan and purpose for us during this wait. It can be so exhausting sometimes though.
Please pray for our family. I am trying to let go of the fears that I have right now, especially the ones about Elliana's eyes. I am fearful that they have gotten much worse and that she will not be able to look us in the eyes when we finally do have her.
Our family is beginning to wonder if this is ever going to happen. It is like all of our lives have been put on hold. We have had many things planned for this summer that we hoped she would be here for, including our annual family trip to the beach with extended family in August. Looks like that's not happening. The boys have started to become cynical and bitter as well. We have been praying that all of this would bring us closer to eachother as a family and closer to the Lord as well.
"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."