Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Dear family and friends- a note about attachment. Please Read.

Dear Family and Friends,

We are so thrilled to be finally traveling to Korea to bring home Elliana and we know you are rejoicing with us.
As we have prepared for the arrival of our baby girl, we have learned that while decorating the nursery and stocking up on baby essentials is important, even more important is the emotional health of our baby. In her short life, our daughter will have gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle. Imagine how much harder the changes will be for her. While she may not consciously remember the events, she will still experience immense loss, including feelings of grief and trauma. She's already experienced the loss of a birthmother, and will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. Her world will turn upside down. She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs. We have prepared to meet Elliana’s emotional needs so that she does learn that we will always take care of her and we will always keep her safe.

We need your support. In order to form a strong and healthy attachment we will allow her to regress so that she has the opportunity to go through all of the emotional stages with us despite her chronological age. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her, we have been advised by both our agency and our IAP that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. Until she has learned that we are her parents, we will need to be her primary caretakers at all times. It is essential that we always hold her, feed her, and do all of the nurturing. You may wonder how long this will take, but the timeline is different for every child. We will follow our daughter’s lead and trust our instincts as her parents rather than worry about what society expects.

We have all been waiting anxiously for our beautiful baby girl to arrive and we know you have too, but she has not been waiting for us. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways and we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are a forever family and this truly is her last stop. We trust that as our family and friends you will help us to do what is best for our daughter, and we thank you in advance for your support and understanding. We love you all so much.

Candice & Randy

***If you are interested in reading more about attachment in adoption and how you can be supportive to us and other adoptive families you know, go to A4everfamily.org


Rhea Anne said...

I love this letter. Can I copy it for our blog when the time comes? It is well said. :O) Rhea Anne

Jenn said...

So thankful for the healing, loving power of God that is the only satisfy for the soul. God knows Elliana's needs and has been preparing a place to give her comfort and security: through your family. Although her mind is too little to comprehend it all right now, the environment and atmosphere you provide will reach into her spirit.

Noel said...

I want a copy of this too. Quite beautifully stated. I'm SO excited for you!!!! Are your boys excited too?!

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