Friday, June 5, 2009

Adoption Update: Not the news I wanted to hear

For the past 2 weeks or so, we have been anticipating "the call" that brings us the news that our baby is ready to travel. Both Randy and I were so sure we would be on our way to Korea this weekend. In fact we have 3 suitcases sitting on our bedroom floor half-way packed. I have washed all the bottles and made sure the diaper bag has everything we could possibly need for when we bring Elliana home. I even know what the weather forecast is and how much plane tickets cost for the next week and a half. Just about everything on our "to-do" list has been DONE.

But sadly it is not meant to be. Yesterday I called our agency to see if there was any news, since we were expecting to hear something soon. They emailed the agency in Korea to make sure things were moving along as they should be.

Well, this morning I had an email and it was not the news I wanted to hear.

Elliana will not even have her visa physical for 2 more weeks. Which means, as far as timeframes go, we are looking at traveling mid-July at the VERY earliest and if she needs that class b waiver (see earlier post) it won't even be until end of July or sometime in August. Hopefully before her first birthday on the 16th.
This is beyond frustrating considering they can have that physical at any point from our acceptance papers going to Korea- which was 3 MONTHS ago. :-(

This has definitely been the hardest point of this adoption journey thus far. I had myself a good long cry about it and have been struggling just to get through the day. I never even imagined that I would feel this way about a child I have never even met. But this is OUR BABY. Our little Elliana who is growing up and all we can do is read about it in the latest medical update we receive. Our baby who I just knew was going to be home with her forever family by the time she was 10 months old. I know it sounds crazy, but she is already a part of me and to find out that we are still another month or two away from holding her was like a punch in the stomach. It was like she was so close and now it feels like she will never be home. I have been so so sad.

I can't even count how many times in the past few weeks I have been asked when Elliana is coming home. And I know it is because everyone is anxious to meet her as well. How ridiculous it seems now, when I think of how many people I have told "oh it could be any day in the next few weeks." How last Sunday at church I really thought it would be our last time without our girl. And honestly it should have been. But I will quit my whining now. The good thing is that atleast we won't be expecting to get the call anyday for the next month or two and be disappointed. At least we know to not expect anything for awhile.
I guess I will make a new "to-do" list.

But one more thing. Please don't respond and tell me that in the grand scheme of things a few months is not going to make a difference, because I already know that and yet it is still painful. I also do not need to hear for the thousandth time how this part of the adoption is like going into labor and giving birth, because actually I have been there and it is not like that. When you are pregnant, even though you don't know the exact day you will go into labor, you do know that your Dr will never let you go more than 2 weeks over your due-date. (most of the time it's only 1 week.) You also can be assured that no matter how long it took for that baby to come, he/she will always come out brand new- not even a day old. Our baby is getting older each day and we are missing it all. And even though I know that she will come home eventually- the unknown of when that will be is almost unbearable at times. For those who have not been through the adoption journey, it is difficult to understand.

I have chosen to be transparent as I write this blog and I know that most people would maybe not be as open with the world. But I want others who read this to know that even though I am struggling and feeling so very discouraged right now, I still trust in the One who is faithful and unchanging. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is sovereign and I know that He will use even this to work together for His good purpose, even though I can't see or understand what that purpose would be.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may become mature and complete, not lacking in anything." James 1:2-4

15 comments:

Liz said...

My heart is breaking for you. Waiting to bring home a child is a difficult process. Praying that God will give you peace and that Korea will get moving!

JohnnaB said...

Girl, thank you for being so "transparent", and feeling like you can. Unfortunately, life is not always a bed of roses, and struggles do knock us to our knees. Praying for you and your family. You are precious!

silverjewel said...

Every word you wrote is so freakin' true! Way to lay it out there.

Sunnymama said...

I can feel your heart ache and am with you 100%! I don't even know our daughter and the anxiousness of when that will be is hard. I have heard it even gets harder when you know her and can not hold her! You are missing those precious moments and that is hard. But I am praying for you! Pray that the time will go fast for you and maybe she will be home sooner! Keep us updated!

Our Family said...

As I read this I have tears in my eyes, my heart breaks for you! You put into words EXACTLY how I have felt the last two days. We too thought we would be in Korea right now getting our girl and just found out it's going to be at least 6 weeks away. It's a terrible feeling and I haven't been able to put it into words. So thank you for sharing your honest thoughts and emotions. Praying for you and that somehow her paperwork gets processed much quicker than you thought!!!
Carla

M, A and C too! said...

So well said Candice... Exactly what an adoptive parent feels when hearing all those comments! Praying hard here!

Tina said...

My heart truely hurts for you, or with you right now. I do understand your feelings as we too have been in your shoes. I know the feeling of telling everyone I think it will be this week, and then many more weeks go by. People at church would just give us a look like..."where is she". I could just shrug my shoulders...little did they know how very much i hurt and longed to hold our little Gracie. Sometimes the hurt was unbearable at times. It is ok to cry out to God...Remember He holds all of our tears and feels all of our pain right along with us. My friend I can not take your pain away, but MY FATHER can hold you and comfort you. This is my prayer for you tonight.

Shelly said...

Candace... is all I can say is "I'm sooooo very sorry" and to tell you that I have been exactly where you are. A very similar thing happened with Caleb, and I was COMPLETELY devistated. Know that I will be praying for you guys during this extra waiting time, and praying God will work out the details faster than you are expecting! My heart is aching for you...

Tisha said...

Candice,

I am so sorry for your sadness and disappointment. I, too know how it feels to not have expectations met during the adoption journey. When we first decided to adopt from China the wait was only six months. It was at that time that the major slowdown first occurred. Every month fewer and fewer babies were referred causing our wait to grow and grow. And every month, I would be hopeful that THIS was the month, things would normalize and speed up. That time still has not come. I feel fortunate now that we only had to wait two years. I know for you the wait has to be even harder because you know your baby already. You have met and seen your precious Elliana and what a beauty she is! I know that words can't bring you comfort right now but I will pray that the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will!

Blessings,
Tisha

Noel said...

I'm so sorry! We too have had frustrating news regarding our referral-namely that there was sudden influx of people requesting baby girls last spring & summer so those months will take longer to match. With every "update" from our agency our referral gets pushed futher and further out. We calculate it will be October at the earliest, and we have been expecting July all along. I SO wanted my baby home for Christmas, so I understnad your frustration which is probably multiplied as you have her pictures and "know" her. I'm struggling with you. Your family is my prayers.

Rhea Anne said...

I have been praying for you non stop after reading your post on the forum. I loved how you were so honest and open on this blog. Yes... we do know God has his timing but we just want our babies home. Praying your baby home, Rhea Anne

Jenn said...

Praying that Elliana will feel the presence of God wrapping His strong arms around her, making her feel safe and secure, and hearing His soft whispering love to calm her every fear.

Erin said...

I am so sorry that it is taking so long for your sweet baby girl to come home. I am praying for you...that you will have peace from the Lord in the waiting and that she will be home very, very soon.

The pain of the wait in an adoption is like nothing else in this world...nothing can quite compare to the ache in your heart as you long for your child to be home with you. There is nothing that can be said to sugar coat that pain but I'm glad that you know Jesus because He is the only way to make it through each day.

Kelly said...

It totally, utterly stinks this is happening and I am so sorry. I have BTDT waiting for Briar, being told at 2 1/2 months past referral that she'd for sure be ready in 2 weeks. We ended up waiting 5 months instead of 3 we were told and I literally thought I was going to die I ached for her so badly. Praying for you, dear sister, as you go through this. It is so, so hard. Cry when you need to and know that I am praying for you and your sweet Elliana as you wait to be united. I know it feels like it will never come--please email me if you need to chat!

heather said...

Praying for you, Candice. Thanks for your honesty....it is refreshing.

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