For the past 2 weeks or so, we have been anticipating "the call" that brings us the news that our baby is ready to travel. Both Randy and I were so sure we would be on our way to Korea this weekend. In fact we have 3 suitcases sitting on our bedroom floor half-way packed. I have washed all the bottles and made sure the diaper bag has everything we could possibly need for when we bring Elliana home. I even know what the weather forecast is and how much plane tickets cost for the next week and a half. Just about everything on our "to-do" list has been DONE.
But sadly it is not meant to be. Yesterday I called our agency to see if there was any news, since we were expecting to hear something soon. They emailed the agency in Korea to make sure things were moving along as they should be.
Well, this morning I had an email and it was not the news I wanted to hear.
Elliana will not even have her visa physical for 2 more weeks. Which means, as far as timeframes go, we are looking at traveling mid-July at the VERY earliest and if she needs that class b waiver (see earlier post) it won't even be until end of July or sometime in August. Hopefully before her first birthday on the 16th.
This is beyond frustrating considering they can have that physical at any point from our acceptance papers going to Korea- which was 3 MONTHS ago. :-(
This has definitely been the hardest point of this adoption journey thus far. I had myself a good long cry about it and have been struggling just to get through the day. I never even imagined that I would feel this way about a child I have never even met. But this is OUR BABY. Our little Elliana who is growing up and all we can do is read about it in the latest medical update we receive. Our baby who I just knew was going to be home with her forever family by the time she was 10 months old. I know it sounds crazy, but she is already a part of me and to find out that we are still another month or two away from holding her was like a punch in the stomach. It was like she was so close and now it feels like she will never be home. I have been so so sad.
I can't even count how many times in the past few weeks I have been asked when Elliana is coming home. And I know it is because everyone is anxious to meet her as well. How ridiculous it seems now, when I think of how many people I have told "oh it could be any day in the next few weeks." How last Sunday at church I really thought it would be our last time without our girl. And honestly it should have been. But I will quit my whining now. The good thing is that atleast we won't be expecting to get the call anyday for the next month or two and be disappointed. At least we know to not expect anything for awhile.
I guess I will make a new "to-do" list.
But one more thing. Please don't respond and tell me that in the grand scheme of things a few months is not going to make a difference, because I already know that and yet it is still painful. I also do not need to hear for the thousandth time how this part of the adoption is like going into labor and giving birth, because actually I have been there and it is not like that. When you are pregnant, even though you don't know the exact day you will go into labor, you do know that your Dr will never let you go more than 2 weeks over your due-date. (most of the time it's only 1 week.) You also can be assured that no matter how long it took for that baby to come, he/she will always come out brand new- not even a day old. Our baby is getting older each day and we are missing it all. And even though I know that she will come home eventually- the unknown of when that will be is almost unbearable at times. For those who have not been through the adoption journey, it is difficult to understand.
I have chosen to be transparent as I write this blog and I know that most people would maybe not be as open with the world. But I want others who read this to know that even though I am struggling and feeling so very discouraged right now, I still trust in the One who is faithful and unchanging. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is sovereign and I know that He will use even this to work together for His good purpose, even though I can't see or understand what that purpose would be.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may become mature and complete, not lacking in anything." James 1:2-4