My mission for today

I don't have time for a super long update, but just wanted to ask you to pray today. We will be going to the pediatric gastroenterologist this morning and I am hoping to have some answers soon about what could possibly be going on with our baby girl.


This is my mission for today. To be an advocate for my baby who can't speak up for herself.

Last week at her check up with the pediatrition, things didn't go too well. She has lost some more weight and is only at 15.4 pounds and the dr was pretty concerned. He had us go straight to Valley Children's for some blood tests which was a nightmare in itself. They poked her everywhere and brought in 3 different people to try to draw blood and nothing would come out, so in the end I sat there holding her screaming and sweating while they proceeded to poke her middle finger and slowly catch every drop of blood to fill 2 vials. We actually needed 4, but it had been a really long time already and she was sooo done, so we just got out of there!

Anyway, the blood work came back normal and she is not anemic or doesn't have thyroid issues. Ok, two things checked off the list. What's next?

Well, her pediatrition suspects that Elliana has something called megacolon based on all of her symptoms, but of course he is not the GI expert so now we have been referred to yet another dr. I am just praying that there will be some way to help her to not be in so much pain and to figure out why she has lost almost 2 pounds in 2 months! It's a little scary.

The DR also let us know that she is "Hypotonic" which is basically means floppy. And of course we already knew that by watching her and holding her these past two months and that is one of the reasons I was wanting her to get in for some sort of therapy sooner rather than later. She has global delays and he mentioned some other possible "conditions", but she is moving in the right direction at least- praise the Lord for that!

Once again I thank you for your prayers. Most days I feel as though I am going to explode from all of the things that are pulling at me to get done. I want to do great BIG things for the Kingdom and yet I feel helpless and useless.
But a friend recently remminded me that this is my mission today. That these little choices that I make each day to love and care for my family are adding up to BIG things for the kingdom someday. There are so many unknowns, but I continue to trust that God placed this child into our hearts and our family for a reason and I want to be obedient to whatever reason that is and bring Him glory through it all while growing more like Christ through the process.

That is my true mission and highest calling: To Know Him and To Make Him Known. (hmm now where have you heard that before? :-) )


I'll keep you updated on our sweet Elliana.

A few pictures because I can rarely post without atleast a few :-)





My Mission for Today:



It's a good thing they're cute...

Cutest little school girl

Can this girl work the glasses or what?!


I am getting more and more used to them and actually so is she. Elliana wears her glasses for a big chunk of the day already, but she has a hard time when she first gets up, when she gets tired or cries or is laying on her back. It is very good progress and I really do think she can see better with them on. I am suprised at how many comments or questions we have already got from people about Elliana's glasses. I guess it is because she kinda attracts attention being the only Korean in our family as well as wearing large glasses on her face, which most babies do not wear.
Oh well, I look at it as another opportunity to share with others about adoption and how God led us on this path, and it has been neat to be able to share when asked.



Her outfit/hair/glasses remind me of a little school girl. Glad we have a few more years until that really happens though! I want to enjoy this time when she is little. I know it goes by much too quickly...

13 months old and crawling! (with video)

Elliana has been coming along in her development in the almost two months that we have had her and now we can officially say we have "a crawler!" She has been scooting around on her tummy for the past few weeks, but just last week she decided she was ready to try to move a little more. Obviously she is still delayed, since at 13 months old most babies would be walking or at least taking a step or two by now, but we are thrilled that she is at least progressing in her own timeframe! I was able to catch a little bit on video and thought I'd share it here!

The first one is funny because as soon as I turned on the camera she stopped crawling. I keep trying to coax her to come to me, but no. I still think it is cute though because you see her personality and hear her cute little voice. She also still has on her jammies and morning hair-do and of course- the new glasses!



Here I resort to giving her an empty plastic bottle to crawl to, but she only scoots until she reaches it and then is perfectly content to play with it!


And finally we see her in action! Wow- she was lovin that plastic bottle and the fun noise it makes!




At 13 months old, our baby girl is still a little peanut! She actually lost about a half pound and is now right around 16 lbs and 27 inches. She of course is still wearing the same size clothes (3-6 or 6-9 month pants/shorts/ shirts, and 6-12 month dresses). Even her feet are tiny- she wears a size 2 shoe with room to grow! Definitely the opposite of our 3 boys who were all fast growing chubby babies! It is a little hard to plan for the fall/winter though, as I thought she would for sure be in size 12 months by then- she needs to grow a few more inches first!

We have a few more appointments coming up for Elliana soon, one of them being an evaluation with CVRC (our local regional program) in early october to see about some therapy as soon as possible. This will be great because there is supposed to be an occupational therapist, physical therapist and speech therapist all there for the evaluation, and if she qualifies for treatment- it's FREE for atleast a few years! Yes, that will help some! Her physical follow up Dr's apt is coming up this week as well- so we are hoping to maybe get some more answers after that or at least be referred to a ped gastro dr regarding her stomach issues, which are still happening after 2 months home.

Just for fun- a few pics of our 13 month old...

Sweet baby face


Nathan loves to hold his baby sister, who he affectionately calls Sara.


And she tolerates his kisses


A couple of sweeties


Mama loves her pretty girl too!


All dressed up and ready for church


Gotta grow into this bow


Uh oh. Mom is now trying out new hair-do's. Better watch out!




Not sure she likes her new "piggies!"


Content to play with an empty bottle some more!

Check out the new pink glasses!

Yep, that's right. Our baby girl has got some new baby glasses and well... let's just say they're not the cutest frames I've ever seen, but of course our little Elliana can make even the geekiest looking glasses look cute when she wears them! (I keep joking that they look like we pulled them out of the dollar bin at Target! They really do have prescription lenses in them- really!)


So, last week was our almost 4 hour appointment with the pediatric opthomologist. Dr. Lanier is one of the best in the country and she was fabulous. She took a good look at Elliana and almost right away said that she would need glasses. Of course after that first talk with her, there were several more tests done and more waiting over the next few hours and then at the very end of the appointment she came in again to give the actual diagnosis. Elliana has accomodative esotropia, which is a form of strabismus. Strabismus is caused by an imbalance in the muscles that control the positioning of the eye. In other words, her eyes cross because she is trying very hard to focus on things in front of her and her eyes are not working together to focus correctly. Actually one eye tilts upward and one inward if you want to get specific. The Dr has prescribed glasses to improve focusing and redirect her line of sight, which hopefully will eventually cause the eyes to straighten. Dr Lanier said that she should most likely not need any kind of surgery if she wears these glasses consistently!

And if you want to know a little bit more of the technical reason why our 13 month old baby must wear glasses, here you go: "Children with accommodative esotropia are farsighted. Although everyone's eyes turn inward when focusing on very close objects, eyes that are farsighted also turn inward when looking at distant objects. In mild cases, the eyes may turn too far inward only when looking at nearby objects. In more severe cases, the eyes turn too far inward all the time. With treatment, accommodative esotropia can usually be corrected. Eyeglasses can help the child focus on objects, reducing the tendency for the eyes to turn inward when viewing those objects. Strabismus cannot be outgrown, not will it improve by itself. Treatment to straighten the eyes is required."

Her Dr wants her to wear the glasses the entire time she is awake and she said to even out her down for her nap with them on and just slip them off when she is asleep, so that her brain will get used to her always having them on. Randy and i were both quite shocked at that little piece of info and also have wondered all week how we were going to get her to actually keep them on!

Well, we just got the glasses today and I'm sure you're wondering how it went?! The funny thing is that when we first put them on her she did not immediately try to take them off. She just sat there real quiet just looking all around. It was like she could finally SEE! She would keep them on for a little while and then try and get them off and then we would try it again and then she would stop and get real quiet again to look around! It was pretty funny. Here are just a few shots of her first day with glasses on. I love the progression from pretty content to get these things off of me! (they have a strap on the back by the way- otherwise they would have been thrown on the ground immediately!) This will be our new challenge!








When we first got our sweet baby's referral and picture, this is something we were definitely not aware of. Over the months that we were waiting to bring her home, we kept seeing that the Korean Dr was referencing her crossed eyes. No big deal, as we knew already she was our daughter no matter what and we figured she may need a surgery or glasses sometime in the future. But I never really pictured my daughter wearing those huge glasses. But now I guess they will become a part of who she is.. Yes, things may not always turn out as we think they should, but I know that there is a reason for it all. What a wild adventure this adoption has taken us on so far! Phew!


More to come later!

Sometimes you just need to get away...

Even if it is only to take an hour drive to have a picnic at the lake!



Yep, it had been one of those weeks (or maybe one of those months) last week- as you already know, so Randy loaded us all into the car and drove up to Shaver for a few hours to get away. With a blanket and a picnic lunch, we just pulled over and found a shady spot to sit and relax and enjoy the view. The weather was perfect and Elliana did great on her first little car-trip. The boys had fun collecting rocks and climbing around. We didn't stay real long, but it was just enough to feel like we had gone away without the work of actually going away- know what I mean? It was Randy's cure for depression- sweet huh? We realized that we hadn't really even had a family outing that didn't include shopping since Elliana came home. Well it was about time and it was fun. And maybe the next trip will be to the beach in a month or two- for more than a few hours though!

A few pictures of our little outing... (Randy and I did a tag-team photography effort!)










Not always happy:







I just wanted to also say a big huge THANK YOU to those who have been reading our blog and been praying. As I have said before, your comments, messages, emails, phone calls, etc. have encouraged me greatly and I know that the Lord has put specific ones of you in my life at this time for a purpose. I sometimes struggle with how much to share on something as public as a blog, especially since I have no way of knowing who is reading it unless you comment (which I would love by the way!) but you have been so encouraging as I have shared my heart at times. It has also been wonderful to connect with those of you who have gone through or are going through the same things. What a blessing you are!

I do not want to sound like I am complaining, because obviously the things we are dealing with are so very trivial when compared to my fellow brothers and sisters who are being persectued every day for their faith, or those friends who have suffered the unimaginable of losing a child or loved one, or the many many faithful ones who are quietly and humbly and self-lessly serving the Lord in both far away places and close to home. The truth is, we have a very blessed life with 4 beautiful children and no real persecution to speak of. There are many days when I actually long for the hard things to come, because I know that my faith will be tested and maybe even shaken, but in the end it will hopefully be refined and strengthened and more dependent on Christ than ever. But seriously isn't it the daily things, the mundane and the "seemingly easy" things that can trip us up? For example when we have a big decision to make or a tragedy or a mission trip or something- that is when we are on our knees immediately and consistently because obviously we know God's grace is the only thing getting us through to the next moment. But it is the daily: the getting up early each and every day to meet with my Savior, the praising Him all the day long, the having God's word flowing through me and renewing my mind every moment- those are actually the things that truly strengthen my faith. And it is also the little daily actions that we do that we sometimes allow attitudes to creep into our life and rob us of our joy. Attitudes like bitterness, complaining, selfishness, envy, greed, and I could go on and on! I still want those hard trials and testings to come- but I am learning that the only way to be strengthened through those is to allow the Spirit to work in my life in the daily. And to be obedient and faithful in the small things. God is in the seemingly small stuff (like adoption blues, homeschooling frustrations and constipation) as well as the big huge stuff, and actually nothing is small to Him.

Nothing as far as circumsatnces have changed around here, but thanks to wonderful family and friends, God's word that is living and active, and a God who does not give up on His children- I am beginning to see the blessing that can come out of the daily struggles and challenges. He is faithful to meet me where I am- even if it is to reach down into the pit to pull me out.
To Him be the Glory forever and ever.

Whatever the circumstance...

The past several weeks have been busy to say the least.

To be honest I have not felt up to blogging much about them either.

But tonight my heart is heavy and I must get a few things out.

Forgive me for the rambling that may procede...


Most everyone wants to know how Elliana is doing and of course that is completely expected and welcomed. And so many times I just want to say she is doing just fabulous. I want to say that she is happy and content and completely bonded and all of her issues have completely gone away. I want to say that having her home is what I always dreamed it would be. Because isn't that what we all want to see and hear? That we are living in the happily ever after of the adoption fairy-tale?
But most days that is not the case. Most days as in just about every day.

I am going to be honest here.
I am having a hard time.

There are many "circumstances" I could blame it on.

Such as the fact that after 6 weeks of being home our baby is STILL having very painful stomach problems. Every 3-4 days it gets so bad that she is inconsolable until she finally goes and then afterward she still cries because of the fissures that are on the inside. Yes, we have been to the doctor. Twice. And yes we have switched formula, fed her prunes, water and juice, given her daily doses of MiraLax and probiotics, and resorted to suppositories. (sorry if all that is too much info for you- this is our life at the moment though) It is exhausting.

Or the fact that she seems so slow in developing. Yes, she has come a long way in the 6 weeks we have had her, but we are still anxiously waiting for her to hit some milestones very soon.

Or that after 6 weeks of being together all day everyday, I still don't feel like I have a very strong bond with my daughter. Yes, she of course recognizes me and will cry when I leave the room, but I know that she is still very reserved and doesn't yet trust me. In a lot of ways I still feel like the babysitter and I hate it.

Or the fact that I started homeschooling Austin and Nathan a few weeks ago and still feel lost about what we need to be doing each day. For the first time in 6 years, I am more unprepared than I have ever been. I sometimes forget that I have a child with learning disablities until I try to teach him and it is harder than its ever been. I also miss having Jensen home and have had a few mornings in tears because of it. Add to that a baby who refuses to take a morning nap and sometimes even afternoon naps- and teacher mommy can be a bit grumpy by 5:00.

Or the fact that as our oldest will turn 13 next month, we are praying that he would give his life fully to the Lord. It has been a hard road and there are many days we feel like just giving up when we see no fruit, but we know that it is God that must work in Him and then through Him for His purposes.

I could add many more "circumstances" to the list of things that are trying to rob me of my joy. It is always something isn't it?

But if I learned anything from studying the book of Philippians this Spring, it is that my faith and joy do not depend on my circumstances- that I can rest fully on the promises of God and be content "whatever the circumstance..." I admit I do not live like this everyday and I can get overwhelmed and downright depressed. If I were truly honest with myself I would say that I might even hang on to these circumstances to try to prove something. (not sure what) But deep down I know the Truth and it is so very freeing when I make the choice to cast my burdens on Jesus and to live a contented life. Jesus came so that we may have life and have it abundantly- not so we would worry and fret about what is going to happen. I am asking Him tonight to fill me with the Living Water that only He can give, so that I will never be thirsty again. I make the choice to rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS. No matter what the day brings. What about you? What circumstances are you clinging to and need to place in God's hands? Are you willing to "cast all your cares upon Him- because He cares for You?"


Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:4-8

Some pictures from Summer

Yes, we are still alive over here- thank you to those who have been checking up on us! :-)


It seems that life does not stand still and the routines of Fall have unfortunately begun. Which means I have less time to spend blogging about everything that's happening and even less for catching up on all of my bloggy friends. I can't believe it has been 3 weeks since I last posted here. Most have probably given up checking in by now!



Not sure where to start, as a lot has been happening over the past few weeks...



I think I'll backtrack a little bit first: (mostly because I wanted to share a few pictures!)

So here are a few snippets from the end of our summer.

As I already posted a few weeks ago, our Elliana turned one year old on the 16th of August. Because we had only been home a few short weeks we decided to not have a big party or anything that day. We actually made it to church for the first time in quite awhile, came home to take naps and then gave her the toy that we had picked out for her at the store. It was pretty un-eventful, but she was happy.





Checking out her new toy that sings and makes music





She loves this little baby we got her at Target for only a few bucks!






We had a few of our close family over for dessert the next night and she opened a few presents.

She thought Grandma was pretty funny!

We plan to celebrate her birthday in a little more traditional Korean style when she is dedicated at the end of November. We are so excited she will be dedicated on the day our church celebrates Adoption Sunday!

A few more fun pictures are from a swimming day we had out at Grandma's house with the cousins. Everyone was anxious for Elliana to try the pool and when we finally got in- she loved it and splashed all around. What a cutie she is in her little swimsuit...

The girls are so cute with her and love having a new baby girl cousin to play with!

Actually I think EVERYONE is excited to play with her!

Cousin Noah is totally in love...

Enjoying her food outside!

Just hanging out with daddy

This was the sweetest thing- to find them in her room like this snuggled in the rocking chair with Nathan reading her stories. He is such a good big brother! (they didn't even know I was taking the picture!)

What a Summer this has been for our family- definitely one we will NEVER forget!